What really inspired me though was imogen Heap's 'Headlock' off of her new album 'Speak for Yourself'.
I bought the CD in mid December and haven't stopped listening to it yet. 'Headlock' caught me as it gave me words and created an image of what the last three months have done in me. Unbeknownst to me (though I maybe shouldn't be surprised) my heart has been trapped by my head for a very long time. Now my heart has taken on a life of its own. I feel like I'm on sensory overload and numb, all at once. I guess it was time to wake up (it only took 30+ years!!)
I like the idea of *love* in all its fluffy, theoretical splendor but have always had a ridiculously hard time really grasping what *love* really meant. I've never been satisfied with the definitions or explanations I've been given as they did not always make sense; they lacked something tangible. In my head I knew, very rationally and logically, that the concept of *love* was not a exactly a tangible but was something that you 'know in your knower'. It's bigger than that obviously and comes with all kinds of baggage (I can't find a better word right now even though this one has such a negative connotation) but it's really one of those things that just has to be believed.
I don't think I was 'in love' last fall but I'd never had felt the things I was feeling then. Actually what I am still feeling now is new as well. I'd mentioned ages ago that I felt like a crazy, giddy sort of teenager when all was going good. Now I feel I am a crazy, neurotic teen when all has gone pear shaped. I guess I am playing catch up with things most people did years ago.
I am not a big resolution kind of girl; why put off 'til a new year what one can begin today? This year, since it oh so convieniently works that its the new year now, I have a resolution.
I resolve to stay open to the possibility of *love*. I will not put my walls back up. I will work very hard to keep them down as far as they got through the fall and will also work at taking them down further.
4 comments:
Well, if you want to analyse love to the nth degree, you'd probably say it's just an endocrinal process that's designed purely to ensure the survival of the species... an evolutionary mechanism. Best not to think, but to feel, I'd say.
yes, thinking too much gets me in trouble at times. i am going to be paying attention to my feelings more!
it'll be a time for learning how to work this way. the feeling of it sounds so much better than it just being about the survival of the species.
I'll be changing my link today. Love reading you.
aww, thanks. that's so nice :)
i like reading you too- very entertaining.
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