Things like this aren't helpful:

"My friend Mary is 54 and she just got married. She was a virgin."

Are you serious? Is that supposed to make me feel good, find some hope, make the wait easier? It doesn't.

54? Kill me now!

"Every older virgin has a unique story," Johnston explains. "They run the gamut from terrible shyness to emotionally barren families to sexual abuse. But all older virgins feel terrible shame. They feel embarrassed and humiliated by their lack of relationship experience." Age 30 seems to be a line of demarcation. "By 30," Blanchard explains, "older virgins feel so socially awkward and out of sync with the world around them that they choose to hide." (found here)

That's quite the statement.
Shame about being a virgin? Not so much.
Embarrassed? Some.
Humiliated? Not so much.

Awkward is the best word yet I can't say that I'm hiding away. I may choose to not share my (non) sexual history with everyone but does anybody always share? As far as having relationships? I may not have had the serious guy-girl type in my past but I have many friends of both sexes, some for 20+ years.

When going through the relational things with PJ I find myself feeling like a teenager due to my lack of experience. It is like I have to squeeze in everything to get to a more age appropriate reaction. At least that is how I see it. Maybe a lot of people are kooky in the head when it comes to this stuff. Maybe everyone thinks and analyzes and wonders where it is all going. Maybe everyone gets goofy.

Likely it's just me.
Oooh my brain.

PJ and I were chatting and I sent him a pic of myself....out of the shower, wrapped in a towel! It was steamy and you can barely see me but, whoa, what's up with me? I'd never have imagined taking a pic like that nevermind sending it to someone. Apparently I am coming out of my shell or....am a dirty, dirty girl.

He loved it.
He said he was going to call.
He did.
It was kind of hot and dirty.
*blush*

Now I am a little embarrassed about it but I believe I shall live.

They make it sound easy

	j: Recipe for Love
	- a pound of confidence
	- 1/4 of a cup of charm
	- a gallon of romance
Lightly brown.
'What is your recipe for love?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Strangely enough (since this) talk of sex toys has come up more than once over the past week. First I was asked if I owned any by someone who's only in the acquaintence category (I don't by the way). Then I had to explain what a cock ring was to a married friend who wondered how and why I knew about them (reading, TV). To top it off I had to explain tea bagging and pearl necklaces to another friend.

photo JKW

Me. The supposed innocent. And the virgin.

I have never been in a sex shop. I get embarrassed just thinking about it. I know that on the day I entered one, that would be the day someone I knew would drive by and seem me either entering or leaving- ugh! I still get flustered buying bras and 'feminine hygiene' products. I don't know how it got so ingrained into me but so far I have not been able to crush those embarrassed feelings. I can talk about sex stuff with friends and have, on occasions, shocked them with my knowledge as I have the least experience of all (why don't people read???) but cannot bring myself to 'investigate' it in person. The mere though is making me cringe right now.

I swear I am not that big of a prude...
But I am shy.

New guy, whom I shall christen PJ (because he looks like a famous person with those initials and I can't come up with anything else), has been threatening to send me a vibrator! He is greatly amused by this idea and has mentioned it a few times in the past week. Oh man!



I've dared him so...we shall see.

(I have a postie friend who has told me mail room horror stories of the things they do with those anonymous brown paper packages and the mocking that ensues for the eventual deliveree. They are mean, mean, mean!)