Hearing someone whisper in your ear "I want you" is a rather heady thing.

Between the no sex talk with the new guy and some friends taking me to task for the ambivalence thing I have 'felt' a shift. It is a shift to the good. A touch of the positive has entered once again.


With new guy this shift seems to have unleased me a bit more. I take things further now. I take the lead at times. I have a touch of braveness and boldness that I have not had. (still no cyber sex ;) ) I think I have a better sense of comfort in knowing he know's what I am about. I have surprised myself more than once and at times it has put a cheeky grin on my face.

He is also consistent in the things he says to me when we talk about whatever stuff. New guy is very complimentary and calls me on it if I get stupid. For example, he'll tell me that he thinks I'm pretty, while we are on the phone, and I tend to deny or go silent. He says "J, you are supposed to say thank you. Let's try again". I am getting better. My other favourite is when new guy tells me that he cannot figure me out and that I keep him guessing. Love that.

As far as work and church things haven't changed but I am trying to be more positive...be the change you want to see ...

I'll always read. I can't help it. I love books and magazines and papers. It feeds the thinker in me. I over-think for sure but it's a big part of who I am. I am trying to change the negative thoughts though.

And the friends. They are good to me. There is a group I hang out with a lot and we stand with each other and call each other on our crap. We also laugh an insane amount. I've known them between 5-17 years so we have definitely be through ups and downs with each other. It hasn't always been easy but it has been worth it. They've taken my mopey throughout December and January and dealt with my ambivalence the past two months and decided enough was enough. We were celebrating an event and they pretty much had a mild intervention. They told me some truth's about myself and gave me somewhat of a stern talking to. There were tears and laughter all around.

Enjoy Some Chocolate...

New guy and I had a conflict over a mutual friend. It turned out that they'd spent some time together in a more than friendly way. My thought was that it was while she was broken up with her boyfriend. It wasn't.

I don't know all the in's and out's of the story, though I have reserved the right to question him more on it at a later date, but he began pursuing her while she and her boyfriend were living together (actually they still are).

He believed he'd mentioned this information to me before and as he had not he offered me anything I wanted to know, just ask. I had a few questions but I have not asked all that I am wondering about. I think that will come but I just need to step back and ponder for a bit.

I've seen the effects of cheating in other friends live's. It is ugly and messy. My thinking is people need to take responsibilty for their unhappiness and deal with it head on and not cop out by cheating. As well, when I know someone is taken, I cannot and will not go there. I will not be the relationship breaker. I couldn't live with that. New guy said he'd thought the same up until this point.

I have never been in that position. I have never experienced that. I sound somewhat judgemental in my own head. Maybe I have a very sheltered and hopeful outlook? Maybe I am naive?

I'll have more questions.

So.....new guy.

We had the sex talk, on the phone, on the weekend. He knows there will not be any. We may goof around in chats (there is also no cyber sex) but he knows that I will not be going any farther in real life either.



I've been having a lot of long, hard thinks about this whole no sex thing. I so don't want to be ancient and still have not had it. I had to work through why I was not going to just sleep with the new guy. There had to be a reason other than I should wait until I get married (church/God). Right now that reason, God, is such a nebulous feeling/thought while I am in the midst of my ambivalence.

What did I come up with? I really know now that I am not willing to just be just another girl, another notch. I deserve more than that. I am worth more than that. I am worth commiting to. Those are quite the conclusions for me.

It is odd to have found a stronger sense of self worth. I hope it begins to play out in more areas of my life.

He also knows the virgin factor. We have discussed it at length previous to this talk. He says that he does not think I am a freak.

In an Email

An introduction to the seductive art of French Kissing.

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: N/A


Here's How:
1. Set the scene. Make sure that the mood and time are right.
2. Relax! Take a deep breath and let go of any tension in your neck and shoulders.
3. Put your arms around the person you want to kiss.
4. Start off with a normal kiss, not too firm, not too aggressive. Closing your eyes is optional.
5. In mid kiss, gently open your mouth and softly nudge the other persons mouth open using your tongue.
6. Again, not too aggressively, move your tongue inside the other persons mouth and playfully touch their tounge.
7. Read the other persons body language, if they seem tense or start to pull away, stop what you are doing.
8. If they open their mouth more or otherwise indicate they like the kiss, keep on doing what you have been only with a little more passion.
9. As the kissing gets going saliva build up can be a problem, don't forget to swallow.
10. Make sure you keep your tongues relaxed but your lips tight (saliva again), you don't want the kiss to turn messy.




Tips:

• Don't forget to breathe.
• Since French Kissing is "wetter" than other kinds of kissing it is a good idea to start with dry lips, don't lick them first.
• If one of you have braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be more careful and not as forceful when things get passionate.
• If both of you wear braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be very gentle and avoid touching teeth.
• French Kissing takes practice, but at least it is fun to practice this one!