We had the sex talk, on the phone, on the weekend. He knows there will not be any. We may goof around in chats (there is also no cyber sex) but he knows that I will not be going any farther in real life either.
I've been having a lot of long, hard thinks about this whole no sex thing. I so don't want to be ancient and still have not had it. I had to work through why I was not going to just sleep with the new guy. There had to be a reason other than I should wait until I get married (church/God). Right now that reason, God, is such a nebulous feeling/thought while I am in the midst of my ambivalence.
What did I come up with? I really know now that I am not willing to just be just another girl, another notch. I deserve more than that. I am worth more than that. I am worth commiting to. Those are quite the conclusions for me.
It is odd to have found a stronger sense of self worth. I hope it begins to play out in more areas of my life.
He also knows the virgin factor. We have discussed it at length previous to this talk. He says that he does not think I am a freak.
7 comments:
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin - i was one until I was 19. Once you make the decision to do it the first time, that's when the mistakes start to happen.
Good on you for waiting!
If only I was 19....
Well, not really but I've got some age on me :)
Age is just a number, and it sounds to me like you have had the opportunity and chosen NOT to have sex. That's different to never having had the chance at it!
I have a friend who was 22 at the time and a virgin. She always wanted to lose it but could never find the guy to lose it to. We had been friends since highschool. Platonic with a little lust thrown in once in awhile for good measure. We had dinner one night and she asked me if I'd be willing to be her first. Now I must admit at first all I thought about was taking her virginity. It's instinctively something I think all guys strive for. But as me and her discussed it over the next weeks I became honored to share in the experience with her. We started hooking up weeks before the big night each time getting a little closer than we had before. Then one night she answers her door in a red teddy, black thong and thigh high black stockings. I wasn't expecting it at all. She simply asked me to take her and I carried her upstairs to her room and made love to her the rest of the night. The next morning I made her breakfast and then she fell asleep on my shoulder. I'll never forget that night.
We were never a couple but to this day remain very dear friends.
WOW, i wish my first time ahd been like that!
Wow. I didn't write. And I know you're not me. I'm tired and my brain has ceased functioning for the day, but I'm still pretty sure of that much.
And yet...
I could have written that. Except the guy part. 'Cause there isn't one.
This is such a personal subject, J, and I couldn't possibly say anything in response without first understanding much more about it other than "do whatever makes you feel comfortable".
It's no-one's business but yours whether or when you choose to have sex. That said, I would love to get into a very long and deep conversation with you about your own understanding of your feelings, but the geography makes that kind of difficult!
Post a Comment