Between the no sex talk with the new guy and some friends taking me to task for the ambivalence thing I have 'felt' a shift. It is a shift to the good. A touch of the positive has entered once again.


With new guy this shift seems to have unleased me a bit more. I take things further now. I take the lead at times. I have a touch of braveness and boldness that I have not had. (still no cyber sex ;) ) I think I have a better sense of comfort in knowing he know's what I am about. I have surprised myself more than once and at times it has put a cheeky grin on my face.

He is also consistent in the things he says to me when we talk about whatever stuff. New guy is very complimentary and calls me on it if I get stupid. For example, he'll tell me that he thinks I'm pretty, while we are on the phone, and I tend to deny or go silent. He says "J, you are supposed to say thank you. Let's try again". I am getting better. My other favourite is when new guy tells me that he cannot figure me out and that I keep him guessing. Love that.

As far as work and church things haven't changed but I am trying to be more positive...be the change you want to see ...

I'll always read. I can't help it. I love books and magazines and papers. It feeds the thinker in me. I over-think for sure but it's a big part of who I am. I am trying to change the negative thoughts though.

And the friends. They are good to me. There is a group I hang out with a lot and we stand with each other and call each other on our crap. We also laugh an insane amount. I've known them between 5-17 years so we have definitely be through ups and downs with each other. It hasn't always been easy but it has been worth it. They've taken my mopey throughout December and January and dealt with my ambivalence the past two months and decided enough was enough. We were celebrating an event and they pretty much had a mild intervention. They told me some truth's about myself and gave me somewhat of a stern talking to. There were tears and laughter all around.