i can't sleep and i feel this incessant need to talk but it's so late and no one will be up so i am just typing and seeing where it will go.
i know why is one of the worst questions but it sure is the easiest to ask.
why have i gone for so many years without more than a casual glance of interest from the boys and desperately wanting it to now getting minimal interest and not being excited by it? i feel so stupid when it comes to this stuff. i don't know how to do this stuff. it makes me feel inept and very young but not in a good way.
he is so thin. he is a veggie. he is a different religion. he is so positive. he is keen. he believes in himself.
i am not thin (need to lose weight). i am not a veggie (though i don't eat beef or pork). i am a different religion. i tend towards negative/realistic. i am not keen. i don't believe in myself (very little anyway).
i get scared that i want it all too bad but then i get scared that i don't want it at all but am going through the motions because shouldn't everyone want it?
or am i too picky?
and when does giving up some of the things you'd like/hoped for become settling?
i wish i could get my shit together.
in all areas.
but apparently i am a chicken and i let fear rule me.
and so it goes.
gah.
damn it all to hell anyway.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Well, that's what happens when you ask the W word!
But at least it was a nice, positive conclusion ;-)
That's me. So positive.
I guess there is no 'insta spark' and therefore it makes me not sure if I want to bother what with all the differences.
That and I think racism may come into play...with friends and family; fun!
Well, the last bit is something you can rise above. Can't you?
I would be a very low person if I could not.
I probably wouldn't give it a second thought if I was into him into him. I am much more aware of how easily people joke about others due to him though and I think this is a good thing.
Different isn't wrong it is just different.
Amen to that x
Post a Comment