For a bunch of reasons it's been a busy month. It even had some rollercoaster moments that added a special dynamic as well.

The boy, PJ, went silent. We'd had a talk, even discussing when we might see each other again and then....nothing. Of course this began a mental flip out for me. I had any number of scenarios running through my head from him being depressed (he doesn't love his new city) to him meeting another girl.

After a talk with a good friend I chose to go with the idea that he might be sad and, possibly, confused and in that frame of mind began a light and funny email barrage. I sent jokes, strange pictures, cheery thoughts and the like and still...nothing. Needless to say my mind was being done in. I cracked after a week and sobbed myself silly. It was a gut wrenching sort of cry; I broke blood vessels around my eyes and threw up. That's never happened before!

I was ready to just give it, and him, up. I was ready to fight my way back to where ever I'd left my cold, unfeeling self and rebuilding those walls. That's how I felt in the moment. I wanted to gather up all the bits of me that have been opening up this past year and hide them away. This stuff hurts.

And then I got an email. One week after the silence began:

You are being extraordinarily quiet

What?! I responded and...nothing. A day later I sent another and...nothing. Good gosh! I finally tweaked to the idea that maybe I was being junked so I did a back door contact through his blog. It turned out that he'd upgraded to a beta version with his email account and it had made me junk. He thought I'd been freaking out and I thought he was freaking out (amongst other things) and it was just a technological error.

And things are good, really good. PJ has asked me to come and see him. I am looking at tickets and time frames that work well for us both. My stomach is all twisty with excitement.