I am all weird and divided in myself these past couple of months. I feel that I present a fairly cheery and positive face out and about with people yet in my head it is all I can do to leave the house. I do it because it is the right thing to do. I do it because I know that reality says this is just a phase. I do it because I fear being completely lost in my head. What I want is to crawl into bed and come out in a year or five.