Scattered and Lost

I've been doing some spring? summer? fall? (who knows!) serious cleaning. I am being much tougher than I have been in the past and getting rid of a lot of stuff including clothing and shoes.

I like stuff. I like things that hold stuff. I have trunks, plastic containers, boxes and other storage thingamajig's and have to go through those as well as get rid of some of them. I am also a little sentimental and so have been rereading letters and weeding through those, getting rid of some inherited stuff that really will never see the light of day and recycling things like mad.

In this purge I have gone through a trunk that contained hopes. I would not describe myself a a hopeful person now but it turns out that I once was. In this trunk I had things that I was going to have in my first house, when I had a real house, with my future husband. I have been keeping these things for a long, long time and now I have to get rid of them. They are crushing my soul.

They remind me of things never had and things I don't have any hope left for. I need to prepare for less room as I get older and therefore I should have less stuff. People will tell me not to give up but I am tired of looking for the positive, the possibility, the hope. It hurts.

i am lonely

I need to make room for all the cats I will have to have to at least have people notice me.