A year ago today I was on a plane, slightly nauseous with nerves, going to see a boy. It didn't turn out at all like I'd expected or would have liked. I got a semi decent holiday and then spent December with tears in my eyes and with being disillusioned about the world.

Now I am once again looking at getting on a plane to see a guy, my guy, PJ. I have the nevous feeling again but this time it has more to do with the fact he'll be working hard to get into my pants. That and we may need to have some sort of talk about what the hell we are doing. Fun? Yes. Good? Yes. But it's almost a year as well (holy hell!) and I guess I need to have a little definition as to what this all is in his eyes.

Distance is a bugger. That and the fact that he is only sporadically working (contracts) until he finds something more permanent leaves him living a 20-ish life style with so many changes going on that I do not know if he wants anymore than what we have right now. I want more. Who knew. I don't need the more tomorrow but I want it sooner than later. Sigh.


Maybe this is just girl brain over thinking it all. Maybe this is the hormones of the thirties all kicked in. Maybe this is just the next step.

I do not know.
I have never been here before.