The last couple of weeks have been out of control in life. A lot of people issues that needed to be dealt with, work being a bugger and exposure issues at the other blog.

It's made my head hurt and the rest of me very tired. If it were possible I'd spend a week in bed with the covers pulled over my head and the phone unplugged.

But then I'd miss my times with the guy so up I get.
We have been reduced to IM for a variety of reasons for the next few weeks and I've been missing his voice. It's terribly girly of me. And I even told him that.

There was a fantastic storm on the weekend though.
Bucketing rain.
Thunder.
Lightning.
Wonderful and soothing.


(not my pretty pic)

Oh the Questions

I needed a true journal moment....

What the heck are you doing??? Who are you? Sometimes when I look at myself in all this it feels like I am looking at a stranger. This is so bizarre and so surreal and it makes my head hurt. The questions, oh the questions...

shit.

The nice good girl; where did she go? Am I really that bad? Is this really that bad? What's right? What's wrong? How far is too far? I seem to be going a lot further than I ever would have though and other than moments of utter freak out (that seem to pass rather quickly) it all seems alright.

Fumbling. That's what it seems like. Thoughts and emotions not always tracking. Thinking one thing. Wanting another. Which is right? Which is wrong? Is there right and wrong overall or is it more subjective? More something I need to decide? How do I figure that one out???

It's like contantly running two steps behind.

argh.

How ridiculous is this? Am I? Why is it far away I hold a certain appeal but not around here? How difficult does that make all this? Maybe I'm really some huge chicken and like the distance to make it safe, so that there is always a way out

Thinking, thinking, thinking....